By Kasanya Chavula
On a cold day it is quite normal for a person to get up and
have a hot beverage, then move on with the rest of the day. Without a second
thought people have become accustomed to this sort of behavior, even though
quite addictive it has none the less become a norm. No one has thought to ask
where did this come from or why did it integrate with cultures all across the
world, what was the idea behind it and was it a universal thing? Who ever made
a hot beverage synonymous to cold weather? And yet here we are.
The modern day relationship has almost adopted the same
persona. Certain habits have become normal and no one has thought of
questioning them. Some of these behaviors which include, sex, cohabiting,
having children because you feel it is your time to, but to mention a few. This
modern culture or symbolism has gripped the whole world and penetrated different
cultures and societies. It has like the statue of liberty in America or the
coat of Arms in Zambia become part of our everyday symbol of what a modern
relationship should be, but is it the right thing?
From the Christian faith to the circular and to non-religious
fanatics sex has become a common denominator which seems to define the
seriousness or lack of in relationships. Yet this very symbolism has brought
many to a place where they feel relationships are overrated. No one has
thought to question whether the input and output don’t match, from name calling
in perverse tones to abuse, all stem from the same root and seed and yet like a
drug addict people still use the same method expecting a different outcome.
Africa has been labeled the Dark Continent, a place of
shallow minded people that do not embrace forward thinking. Yet the very definition
of progressiveness has not been fully defined because the so called forward thinkers do
not know how to define the same thing. It is the very people that will tell
people and show people, it is okay to have sex, just use a condom. If the same
progressive thinkers heed their own words they would not have a high rate of
abortions but this too has been made the symbol of the modern relationship, my
body my choice, pro-choice.
Do not get me wrong I am not saying sex is bad, everyone has
a free choice to have sex with whomever they feel like but is it beneficial. Under
what conditions should it be done? Forced sex is bad, we call it rape, and sex
with a child is bad we call it defilement; sex outside marriage is bad we call
it fornication, sex with a married spouse that is not yours is bad we call it
infidelity and sex on screen is bad we call it pornography.
The reasons why people are having sex on such a rampant
scale, we may not point out singularly but we do know that there is a rise in
sex and sex related sicknesses not just in sub-Sahara Africa but on a global
scale. The rise in pornographic websites and child porn websites all are
contributing factors. In this case it is not just the people vising the sites
that are to blame but the people hosting these vile sites are to blame. One
cannot put a gun in a criminals hand and not expect him to use it. This is what
the modern day relationship looks like. We are feeding ourselves with the wrong
things expecting good to come out. It is no wonder people feel they do not need
relationships, it is no wonder people feel they just need sex and have no
attachments. Fact is, whether you realize it then or not, an attachment is made to
the person that you had sex with. It may not be physical but that person will
become a form of standard to gadge the next one, whether you do it consciously or
unconsciously the fact still remains, we are relational and because we are relational we form attachments.
The true fact is, the institution of relationships for which
we are created has been broken and the few that are on the side of fixing
it seem to be fighting a losing battle but it is better to fight than to quit.
One day the fruit of the fighters will yield fruit and the generations that
feel marriage and relationships are overrated will one day realize that they need
it more than ever. And they too will join the fight to preserve the sacred
arrangement of relationships and the blessed covenant of marriage.
A line has to be drawn we can’t stand in the middle not
knowing where we should be. Each of them has boundaries that need to be
respected. The single should remain so and not try to enjoy the benefits of
those that are married likewise the married should not behave as though they
are single. Each should stay in the lane that for the time being are in, this
should be the true meaning of the “me to” movement and this is the “me to”
movement the embracing of love.